Monday, October 22, 2012

Hello World.

Hello World.

In the computer realm Hello World program that outputs the most basic syntax of a programming language or to verify if a language or system is operating correctly.

It's been five months since I was kicked out of church. And lately even after a woman spoke to me about what God would do, I'm still having trouble dealing with it. I can't just go anywhere. Being in this church was like being in a marriage where the other party has left you, but you don't want to give up.

Something terrible happened to me on Saturday. This guy from church transferred a car over to me but wanted me to lie to the DMV. He also condemned me for a great many things. This is what you call a hypocrite. I just sat there and didn't say much, because I really needed the car. But after all was said and done I gave him a piece of my mind. He said, 'You aren't healed and you need a lot of fasting an prayer.' I told him 'No one will dictate to me the relationship that I should have with God'.

And I meant it....Then I started to think about what I said. And how so many churches assume the role of 'primary caregiver' when it comes to a persons spirituality and connection to God. They treat you like you are a baby, because that is what the Word tells them. They say they rely on the Holy Spirit and on Jesus but they bully you with the Word of God. And when I meditate on the verse of being given spiritual milk, its not about treating another human being like they are a child! It's giving them some 'basic' food until they grow a little more. It's really about feeding the sheep, not managing it.

So just like Hello World program is used to out put the most basic syntax and verify if a language system is operating correctly, I'm also going to examine the basics of faith. Why does it work? Why didn't it work for me? What can I do to prevent this from happening again? It's hard because much of my spiritual identity came from one church that believed that their DNA was a perfect match to that of the Father.

Something wonderful however happened to me on Sunday. I met a guy who claimed he died and God resurrected him when he was 15. And he asked me to keep believing in God even if I don't go to church. He made me cry and for a minute, I felt so good. ....I really liked him as a person. And his life story impressed me so much and I felt like it was what I needed. But it was a lie.

That 'wonderful' thing that I thought existed...was a dream. He wanted to take advantage of me. He was a man and he wasn't sent by a God. I was still struggling with that part of me that remains vulnerable and subjective. Not anymore.