Saturday, July 13, 2013

Woman Equals Jezebel

Women equals Jezebel

I was prompted to write this article because of Julie Anne Smith. She was inexplicably shunned by the Beaverton Grace Bible Church in Oregon.
I went to check my e-mail and came across the article about Ms. Smith because on Mother's Day I was told by my Pastor to find somewhere else to congregate. 
Fact: A woman who refuses to subject herself to any abuse, questions what is being preached in her church and leads a less than a perfect life is equal to a Jezebel.
I've read Jonas Clark books. I'm very opinionated, I don't take any BS and when it came to studying God's Word, I believed I knew when I was hearing baloney and when I'm hearing the truth. I stayed in the same church Apostolic and Prophetic for nearly ten years of my life. I refused to see the areas where I felt like I was being spiritually abused. I still fight the thinking that I'm in the wrong. It's been so ingrained not to listen to the 'lies of the devil' but always to be 'faithful to God in being faithful and honoring your leaders'. But then how do you even know the difference if your mind is so caught up in your religion? 
I think some of Jonas Clark's teachings are being used by churches as a guide to a witch hunt. I also believe that if a church refuses to have a fresh view of things, it becomes stale. And what happens when things become stale? If its water it stinks! And if its bread it hardens. Would you not agree that some churches because they don't have enough of a fresh view or even any accountability tend to become fascist and totalitarian?
I moved out to another state. I believed this is what God wanted me to do and where God wanted me to be. I was able to get a job, but I lost my car. And during the hottest time of the year, they were no where to be found. When I did get a car, I went to church every Sunday and Wednesday. When I would ask to serve and help out more they told me 'The Holy Spirit didn't reveal it to them yet'. They allowed me to bring food though, But, there was always a problem with my attitude because I am rather opinionated. They also said I was stubborn. And because I reacted to an abusive message by a Pastor who had been invited to preach, they said I 'must' congregate elsewhere. Do you think this is a good enough reason to kick someone out of a church?
I'm done. I don't want to go back to any church. I tried for 10 years of my life. I was being led by this preaching: That if you have to leave this church, then the problem is you, not the church. I listened to all the messages, and yes I do take them personal. If not, then why would I continue attending? Unfortunately voicing that has led them to believe that this is a matter of what I don't like and like. How is this possible? I've stuck to them, and even through my turbulent times, I kept trying. I cried long and hard but I wasn't going to leave.
Woman = Jezebel. They even give her a wide variety of traits similar to that of a psychopath. In the Old Testament women do not have much authority. Those that do are few and far between, and viewed by the church as having been 'submissive'. A church who's opposition comes from a woman is weaker than when it comes from a man. The woman is seen a psychotic, already coming with problems and passed off as having a 'desire' to seduce men and a powerful manipulator. Lust is an automatic label. It's important to note that in many sermons, the submissive factor is often stressed even when it means you have to tolerate abuse. If you are not submissive, you are 'going against the established order given by God.

Women are not protected and if you read the Bible you will see verses where women are not only treated as bounty (Numbers 31:17) but they are also the culprits of Original Sin (Genesis 3:6-7). In the New Testament women are not allowed to speak in Church (1 Corinthians 14:34). You think of Gossip? Women! Lust? Woman's fault! Immodest and Immoral behavior? Women's fault! Who is the most powerful opposer? JEZEBEL! Who will be the culprit to bring the Apocalypse and Armageddon? JEZEBEL! Hello? Women are just all around bad aren't they?


Sunday, June 2, 2013

Sin is BS.

Sin is ordinary. With or without demons, sin would exist.

This is according to many churches.

People are convinced that they can't be good or moral without a deity. And, that in order for you to function to your greatest potential you must submit to a male authority.

If you resist you will be likely seen as a rebel, as arrogant, as being susceptible to demonic possession, or as functioning as a part of a satanic team. You are not an individual to a Christian Leader, nor are you capable of making your own decisions. All of your decision will be of a satanic influence. You won't even be treated as a human being. (If I remember correctly, the Jewish had a name for anyone they considered sub-human > A gentile)

You have religion attempting to convince you that you are nothing, and forcing you to accept you are nothing because of the fact that you will die. And in dying a Christian would condemn you to hell based on their Biblical principles. So in your second death, the real question is, would you cease to exist? What is a second death, and how does it compare to non-existence as opposed to an eternal destruction? Isn't an eternal destruction a paradox?

The main question of many folks is, if God is real and God is love, then why did a God who's omnipresent, omniscient and omnipotent allow a being such as Satan to exist? The answer of the Christian authority is simple: Because God is love.

How does a god of love, then take this being, cast it on Earth and allow beings that are susceptible to Satan to exist only to have very few of them actually go to heaven? Why go through all this trouble? Why allow so many people to be damned eternally, which in itself is yet another paradox? And which in reality only makes a person wonder why so many are going to be tortured for eternity? Why does this male deity make it so hard and so difficult? Why does this male deity show more actions that speak of a hate, than of love?

I just cannot believe that a god exists. Where is the female counterpart? Why is the female subservient and if she stands up for herself she is out of order? There is even a passage in the Bible that treats women as 'bounty' after a war if they are virgins. (Numbers 31:17)  There is nothing for women in monotheism except bondage, pain, torture, subservience and more cover ups from the ones who call themselves spiritual authorities. As a woman I'm sure that many would say the fact that I say there is nothing for me means I'm proud. No, I'm being realistic, so quit attempting to attack my character and look at yourselves. If you really are perfect, do what Jesus said and give everything to the poor and then come back when you have nothing left and talk to me.

I know that while I was in church, I gave up everything I had. I gave up everything that I was. I moved, I pushed, I struggled so hard...I wasn't perfect, I wasn't even looking at anyone and I was kicked out. This is something that has broken my heart to pieces. I will never enter a church, and I will never trust in a spiritual authority again. And there is nothing anyone can say or do to convince me otherwise. The only thing you can do however, is treat me like a human being. I won't tolerate anyone pushing their religion in my face. Or using their religion to dominate me by saying 'God said so'.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

What made me question, doubt and ultimately what got me kicked out.

This mother's day will be the one year anniversary of being Kicked out of Church. This is an account of what made me doubt, question and what ultimately got me kicked out.
My ex-pastor began to say things in his messages that just didn't add up. One day he took a verse about the Phoenician woman who begged Jesus to deliver her daughter from a demon and said that 'we were like dogs looking for crumbs and that he (the pastor) was like Jesus'. For some reason that didn't sit well with me so I confronted him. A visiting pastor came and started yelling at everyone. I was so mad that I went to the front pew and just sat there looking at him. I also spoke with the pastor about it and they told me just to submit.
From this point I just started to really read the bible because I was afraid. I recognize I was literally a 'christian' because I was terrified of death and of hell. And I had a respect for authority for no other reason than I never even thought to question it myself. When the above happened I got fed up. I mean how can a loving pastor call me a dog? His interpretation was that phoenician woman had an ego that needed to be confronted. For one thing, the churche wasn't phoenician, we were his sheep. I'm not a stranger, why treat me like one? Another thing, why should I put up with someone visiting who is yelling at the church? In questioning these things, I was confronted by them on the grounds of being rebellious. They said I have to love the man who came and was yelling at us. I said no, this isn't a question of love this would be putting up with abuse. They said 'remember to respect the authorities placed over you'. I said no, last I looked Jesus was the head of the church. Why are you treating me like this? This isn't love, this is wrong.
Then the pastor said 'Based on the fact that you didn't like what you heard and you are uncomfortable we think you MUST congregate elsewhere' And that hurt like hell. This was Mother's day of last year. I was trying to understand them, but I felt like I was compromising myself to a someone rather than to God. I went through a period of depression and loneliness that I don't wish upon anyone. But I knew that if I said anything to anyone in that church, they'd just call me a murmurer, a Jezebel. My mistake to move out here became apparent, because I didn't have any moral support. I'm grateful because through the process I learned to work with the finances I had and people did come to help...none of them from a church though. If anything those who actually attempted to talk to me about God were either #1 Trying to get between my legs #2 Trying to take advantage of someone who was vulnerable and emotionally compromised #3 Unwilling to give me the benefit of the doubt.

There is a point where you won't want to say anything to anyone. But that didn't stop me from continuing to read and ask more questions.

For awhile I thought 'god' kicked me out. But it occurred to me that if 'god' kicked me out why wasn't I dead? I also wondered, if I KNEW I was I was meant to move there, then why didn't god support me? And if I didn't know why didn't god prevent it?  So I fought with myself for awhile. I became depressed, angry, scared because I made a lot of life changes, and a huge move to get here. Time, money, I left my father, I brought my son with me. I overcame a lot just believing, and now it's just me and my son. I have to live with my decision. Right now my focus is to move to a place where at least I have some family and friends.  
I made a point to read everything in the Bible that I relied on for so long with a different perspective. I read it every day but not with the same naive eyes relying on the interpretations of an overseer. I read it without moral support and understanding because I realize that those people I called my church never really cared.

My father is an atheist and he never tried to influence me in any way, and he was very helpful with as little input in regards to religion. He even told me he was sad that I had left religion, because I was very happy in my faith... and I was. Ignorance was bliss. I would pray, I would fast, I believed, but I was wrong and completely delusional. I think I have never had an independent thought for most of my life. I never learned to think critically. I knew logic but I didn't know how to use it. I also knew I lived in fear because I grew up in a church that yells at you from the pulpit and calls you Satan and constantly pushes you to show you are committed to Christ like a jealous obsessive boyfriend. The more money you make, the more you are required to hand it over to an invisible vengeful angry god who made an overseer called a pastor to give you crap so you can stay in line because you are not capable of being moral. You are called a Sheep because you need to be led, so basically you are stupid.  I had to get rid of that if I was ever going to figure out if I really believed or not. I read Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell, and the Denial of Death by Ernest Becker. I also read The God Delusion and have watched several youtube videos explaining to me in very patient detail that it has been 2000 years since the Common Error happened. The Common Error (Jesus) has not returned and those who honestly believe will always believe and feel offended if you don't believe. For three generations my family has been terrified of being left behind for the second coming. How many generations is it going to take until we realize that Christianity is crying wolf  for two millenia and that this story is bogus? . When you die, the worms eat you and you will decompose unless you manage to be embalmed like Eva Peron. 
I'm done with churches, there is no god. Man is afraid of death and his ego is such that he thinks he can get an alien deity to conquer it for him. If that were so, you'd think we'd stop dying. So why do we have to wait until we die, to be brought back to life again just so we end up being judged to what, DIE AGAIN? 
Or what? That our ego's are so inflated we have the audacity to think that a 'god will come and give us a new earth to live in' after we mess up this one? Why does god make it difficult to find him, when we are lost anyway? And why in being lost does the Christian Bible tell you to die on earth, so you can die for real, but you won't know for sure if you will die again after you are resurrected and judged? That's three times you die! Unless you achieve favor and go to heaven for ever, but you don't know if your family will be there. And so we watch our family die, and the god of love wipes your tears away? What kind of sick fascination of the fear of death we have been taught to believe, right?! 
I took a good look at the world around me and had a reality check. I realized, there are billions of people out there, I am not alone. But I don't need a deity to show me who I am, give me a purpose or lead me anywhere. I have me. 
I'm stuck in Maryland. I'm on my own. When I leave what I will take with me is that I grew up and out of this baloney. I have to deal with the consequences of my actions here...on Earth. I am not going to worry anymore about a god who is going to judge me or come to get me, because when it would have mattered the same people who should have been there for me...kicked me out, shunned me, and haven't talked to me since. So why would their 'god' give a SHIT what I think? 
There is much more to this than what I am telling you, but this is all fact. This is my pain, but moving forward I am making a new life. Because in my pain, I gave birth to 'reason' and 'coherency'. I learned to have faith in people by violent separation from my religion. 

Wednesday, April 24, 2013


I was in what is called an Apostolic Prophetic Church also known as Apostolic Reform. I did some research on the teachings surrounding this kind of thinking. I have since discovered it began with a Calvinist named Rousas John Rushdoony. It's called Christian Reconstructionism.

I'm a first hand witness that many of the members of my then church worked in the Federal Government. From FEMA to the Department of Defense to NASA. The primary goal is to 'reconstruct' the worlds governments so that they mimic Biblical Law based on Genesis 1:28. I also worked to further this goal until I began to question the ones who called themselves my 'spiritual authority'. Afterwards I was kicked out of church. 

How does dominionism affect us today? Christians in the political arena don't admit to being dominionists. We've already had two so far to vie for the Presidency: Sarah Palin and Mitt Romney. 
And even though they wouldn't admit to being part of plan to reconstruct our society, its become apparent especially with regards to their attendance to prayer rallies.