Monday, October 22, 2012

Hello World.

Hello World.

In the computer realm Hello World program that outputs the most basic syntax of a programming language or to verify if a language or system is operating correctly.

It's been five months since I was kicked out of church. And lately even after a woman spoke to me about what God would do, I'm still having trouble dealing with it. I can't just go anywhere. Being in this church was like being in a marriage where the other party has left you, but you don't want to give up.

Something terrible happened to me on Saturday. This guy from church transferred a car over to me but wanted me to lie to the DMV. He also condemned me for a great many things. This is what you call a hypocrite. I just sat there and didn't say much, because I really needed the car. But after all was said and done I gave him a piece of my mind. He said, 'You aren't healed and you need a lot of fasting an prayer.' I told him 'No one will dictate to me the relationship that I should have with God'.

And I meant it....Then I started to think about what I said. And how so many churches assume the role of 'primary caregiver' when it comes to a persons spirituality and connection to God. They treat you like you are a baby, because that is what the Word tells them. They say they rely on the Holy Spirit and on Jesus but they bully you with the Word of God. And when I meditate on the verse of being given spiritual milk, its not about treating another human being like they are a child! It's giving them some 'basic' food until they grow a little more. It's really about feeding the sheep, not managing it.

So just like Hello World program is used to out put the most basic syntax and verify if a language system is operating correctly, I'm also going to examine the basics of faith. Why does it work? Why didn't it work for me? What can I do to prevent this from happening again? It's hard because much of my spiritual identity came from one church that believed that their DNA was a perfect match to that of the Father.

Something wonderful however happened to me on Sunday. I met a guy who claimed he died and God resurrected him when he was 15. And he asked me to keep believing in God even if I don't go to church. He made me cry and for a minute, I felt so good. ....I really liked him as a person. And his life story impressed me so much and I felt like it was what I needed. But it was a lie.

That 'wonderful' thing that I thought existed...was a dream. He wanted to take advantage of me. He was a man and he wasn't sent by a God. I was still struggling with that part of me that remains vulnerable and subjective. Not anymore.

1 comment:

  1. Dear Gabgirl,
    That is really disgusting about that guy that tried to take advantage of you. I mean, that kind of behavior is always wrong, but when someone acts that way to a person who has already been hurt and is seeking solace, then that makes their actions extra sick (in my opinion). I'm sorry that happened to you, but not all guys are like that. There are guys out there who will love you just for you.

    "'No one will dictate to me the relationship that I should have with God'."
    I concur 100 percent; that is between you and God alone.

    I could tell you the story about the preacher (at a church my wife and I visited) that tried to put himself as the sole arbiter between us and the Holy Spirit, but I don't want to bore you (ask me, and I'll tell you =>).

    take care,